Economic Down Turn

The economy has now definately hit us with its full force, at least I hope this is its full force. Our checking account has definately felt it over the past year with Mike going through 3 different pay-cuts and now it has only gotten worse. Our majority income has officially stopped for the time being. Its frustrating on so many different levels I can't even begin to exlpain it. For 5 years Mike has had this job where he was working out of town ALL the time. We had money but NO time together. We never had time together to go spend the money, now we have all the time in the world together and no money to go do things. If thats not ironic I don't know what is! There are so many different things we want to do and neither one of us know where to start or how we are going to start. I'm reluctantly writing about all this right now because I really hate to talk to other people about this kind of thing. There is so much going on in our heads and I hate to try to talk to someone only to hear negativity. There aren't alot of people that think about life the way Mike and I do. Rather than try to explain to everyone our perspective on life and our future I have learned to just sit back and keep my mouth shut. Everytime I have tried to give my perspective on life and money and the way I want my future to be, I only hear other peoples negativity and listen to them tear apart my thoughts and ideas. I know that I need to put my faith in God and give him all of my worries. He will take care of us. He always has. We have gotten into a financial bind before and somehow we always had enough money to pay bills and put food on the table so I know he will take care of us. I know that God has given us all these hopes, dreams, and ideas for a reason and that he has a path for us; I'm just not positive we are on the right path yet. I feel like I'm waiting for something, something to happen, something to find me, something that I need to find; I don't know really I just feel like I'm waiting for something. Something is missing. I haven't been sleeping, I have just been listing things on my new eBid.net (JustBuyIt) store like crazy hoping that I will start having one sale right after the other. Its funny how sometimes that happens, I won't sell anything for a month or two and then all of the sudden I'll have a bunch of sales right at once. I'm hoping that happens soon... I need that to happen soon. Mike has also been working with his Dad as sort of a partner in his Dad's construction company. Every job that Mike gets his Dad pays him a percentage. He has been out trying to sell roofs, remodel jobs, new consturction homes, etc like crazy; it just isn't fast enough. He needs to have selling spurt too just like I do. I have my little businesses and now all of the sudden I don't feel like I can work on them enough, fast enough or enough time to work on them. I have applied for jobs but I dont have a good feeling about any of them, who wants to hire someone that hasn't worked in 5 years. All of the sudden all of our side businesses have become our only source of income and we need these side businesses to blow up and grow, grow, grow. I make money with them now just not enough to supplement our majority income. I always get anxious at this time of the night. I do have some meds to help me go to sleep but not many, and we don't have insurance anymore for refills. I just hate this feeling, I feel helpless and like I'm drowning. Drowning in paper, those papers are bills and they just keep coming. I love my husband more than anything. He is so stressed right now and I hate seeing him like this. I know he feels helpless too. I think thats part of why I have been working so hard because I don't want him to feel helpless. I would love to be able to bring in majority income and give him a little break. He has worked so hard for the past 5 years. The whole reason I wanted to have my own businesses was to help bring in enough income so that Mike could get a different job and not have to worry about making as much money. I just haven't gotten to that point yet and them BAM all of the sudden I need to be at that point. I don't want to be this stressed. I would love to just relax for a little while and go to the park with my husband and the kids and swing on the swing set, just spending time together as a family. But every minute that I'm not working I feel like I'm waisting time and Mike feels the same way.  Sometimes it feels like our house just sits still with us stuck inside, while the whole world spins around outside